Cheating Jerk

"Are you friggin' kidding me?" was the last thing I said before I left him in my room alone with her. I couldn't stand to see his face again.

I remember that night and his face in pleasure then shock when he saw me. I caught him red-handed. Especially with that girl right on his lap. I can't believe anyone could do this to me. Maybe I was a little uptight about giving in, but I wanted the timing to be just right. But to able to this at my after prom party when I was about to give in. I thought I gave a few hints, but he couldn't leave IT in his pants. But this girl he was with wasn't just any girl, she was my best friend. She been my friend since like forever. I always knew that she was jealous of me, but I never thought that she could steep that low.

You Loved Me

You told me you love me and you went away taking my heart, too. You took away my love. You took away my virginity. You took away my soul. Now I lay in a cozy box because you took away my identity. You took away my friends. You took away my family. You took away my FUTURE family. You took my beloved life. You told me you love me and you killed me. You gave me life. You gave me a reason. And now that reason is gone. You told me you love me and then change your mind. Your words ended my life. My action ended my life.

Just Sick in Death

When they told me the bad news, I knew I was in for a ride. I feel like a person that gets hit by a bus every single day. I have to live with it until I could not feel nothing. Feel numb. Feel dead. But every time someone tell me "it's going to be okay" or "you're strong" I get sicker. I guess my body is confused by what they say because my body does the opposite. The opposite of getting better. I am just dying slow. I wish it could be faster because I might want to kill myself if it doesn't. My life is on the line, and I wish someone could come and take me away from my problems.

Someone did took me away from reality. A side I thought I never would visit. A place called FUN. Well it was fun, I actually felt that he could be the one since he showed my fun side because no one could actually do that. I mean how could anyone. But I guess fate just showed up late. Because he later died eight months after we met. I was in love with him. And he was in love with me. Now its three months since after he died. And now I am dying. Cancer kills away your future. Cancer killed my love. And now cancer is claiming me.

Ambition Kills

Ambitions are one of my personalities, but I don't follow through. Ambitions are my weakness in life, but my ambitions are turned into dreams. Dreams that makes me leave reality. Dreams that makes my world so vague. So surreal. So much colors. Colors that blinds the eye. Characters and the scene looks like cartoons. I feel like Alice in Wonderland.

But I am stuck in a world of fiction. I tried to get out, but the more I do the more I become a prisoner. A prisoner suffocated by the ashy air. Ashy air that could kill. And I am dying. Dying slowly. I am trying to breathe. Before I could take my last breath, I was out. Out the world of fake.

Wish Versus Fate

     Ugh. I hate him so much that I wish he was dead.  I didn’t expect him to die. But when that day came, I wish that I didn’t wish for him to die. I didn’t expect my wish to come true. You know what? I am stupid enough to blame myself for this shit. But maybe it wasn’t a wish that killed him. Maybe… Just maybe it was fate. You know fate? Fate as in what determines your future. Yeah, let’s call it fate. Fate it is. You know that saying, “when life hands you a lemon?” Well, maybe fate handed him a bad lemon. Yeah, it’s fate’s fault, not my fault. But why do I sound so guilty? Does that mean that I killed him? Or was it a coincidence?

Nice, Bad Guy

      There he was with his cocky smile just looking at me. He is such a rapist dick. I can’t believe how easy and pleasant he was to be around before. But now, he’s just... dead to me. After that trick he pulled on me two nights ago. I can’t even believe that I trusted him. I feel like a loser, ugly, stupid, and dead. All because I let this asshole into my life. I told him, “no.” But he didn’t listen to me. He kept on going. But I still told him, “no.” And still that didn’t go through his little head of his. I tried to push him off, but he was too strong. I tried to escaped , but he grabbed me. So all I could’ve done was just laid there helplessly. I prayed to God to please, please make this stop. To let it be a nightmare instead. But God didn’t answer my prays. And so I found myself alone, just waiting till my life moves on or maybe, just maybe it’ll end right now. The fact is that life is precious, but my life feels like crap. I just, I just want to be free, you know? Just want to be free like a bird. To just spread my wings and fly away. But no. I can’t. I can’t be like that. I want to tell, but I’m afraid to just be out in the open. Yesterday, I was planning to go to heaven. But I couldn’t do it. I was afraid to disappoint my parents, my family, and my friends. I figure I couldn’t live with the guilt even if I were dead. I just wish that... that even if I did get rape I would be able to tell my story. And my story is now.